Our loss

We lost a puppy this morning. I don't know how it happened. This morning I woke up early and carried each one outside for breakfast, just like I always do. They all seemed fine this morning, except that one was particularly mellow and didn't seem interested in breakfast. I thought maybe she was still sleepy because they had just woken up, so I let her be. I went outside a few hours later to feed them for lunch and she was gone. All of the other puppies came running over to greet me except her. She just lay there next to the dog house on the grass. She didn't move. I walked over to her and stroked her tummy a few times. She was stiff all over. I tried to revive her, but inside I knew she was gone. Immediately, I examined her body to see what caused her death. There were fluids on her body, but I still am not sure what caused it. I gently lifted her tiny body outside the kennel. I let Hailey (mom) examine her for a few minutes. She sniffed her all over and over again. After a few minutes, she lost interest and went to her other puppies. I gently disposed of her little body in our trash can. Hailey saw me place her in there and kept running over there after I put her inside. After a while, she stopped.

I feel so blue today. My heart is broken. I keep telling myself it wasn't my fault, and that these things happen, but I can't seem to console myself. I just keep wondering if I did something wrong. If there was something I could have done differently. I feel partly to blame. Losing a puppy that is just a few days old is one thing, but losing one that is 5 1/2 weeks old is another. There is a stronger bond there. I just keep thinking about her warm little body in my hand just this morning, only to lose her just a few hours later. It makes me cry. Although, writing about it helps me a little. I think I just need a day to get over this.

I called our breeder, Susan, to explain what happened. She was very understanding. The other puppies seem to be doing just fine, but she wants me to keep a close eye on them over the next fews days. I keep wondering if they know what's going on. Or if they miss their little sister. I attached some pictures of her, if you would like to see them. Her name was Monet.